Starting a new job should be an opportunity to learn, build relationships and demonstrate what you can contribute. Unfortunately, sometimes workplace problems begin before you have even had the chance to settle in.
One particularly difficult situation occurs when another manager begins telling senior management that you "don't like them", that you have a problem with them, or that you have said things about them, rather than speaking to you directly.
Let's be honest: in a professional workplace, this can feel remarkably childish.
Adults in management positions should be capable of having difficult conversations with one another. If there is a genuine problem, the professional approach is normally to raise it directly, establish the facts and attempt to resolve it. Going straight to a director with assumptions about another person's feelings can create unnecessary tension before there is even a real problem to resolve.
But Don't React Emotionally
The worst thing you can do when someone appears to be creating workplace drama is to respond with more drama.
You may feel angry. You may feel frustrated. You may even feel tempted to confront the person and ask why they are behaving like this.
Before doing that, stop.
Your response is important because you are new to the organisation, and people are forming an impression of you. If somebody is attempting to portray you as difficult, aggressive or unwilling to work with others, an emotional reaction could unintentionally provide them with evidence to support their story.
Instead, remain calm, professional and consistent.
Step One: Establish the Facts
Before assuming that somebody is deliberately causing trouble, establish exactly what has been said.
There is a significant difference between someone saying, "I don't think we have developed a good working relationship yet" and saying, "They don't like me and refuse to work with me."
One is an observation. The other is an interpretation.
If the issue reaches a director, calmly ask what the specific concern is. Avoid getting drawn into arguments about personalities.
A useful response might be:
"I'm very happy to address any concerns about my working relationship with colleagues. I would just like to understand what specifically has been said or what behaviour has caused concern so that I can respond appropriately."
This moves the conversation away from gossip and towards evidence.
Step Two: Don't Play the Gossip Game
Workplace gossip can spread incredibly quickly, particularly when people occupy management positions.
If someone tells you that another manager has been talking about you, resist the temptation to start asking everyone what they have heard.
That can turn one person's behaviour into an organisation-wide drama.
Instead, keep your conversations professional and focus on your work.
You do not need to defend yourself against every rumour. Your conduct over time will generally provide much stronger evidence of your professionalism than workplace gossip ever could.
Step Three: Speak to the Person Directly
If appropriate, arrange a private and calm conversation with the manager concerned.
The purpose should not be to accuse them. It should be to establish whether there is actually a problem.
You could say:
"I've become aware that there may be a concern that I don't like you or that I have an issue working with you. That's not how I want our working relationship to develop. If there is something I've done that has given you that impression, I'd rather you spoke to me directly so we can resolve it."
This puts the responsibility for resolving the misunderstanding where it belongs: between the two people involved.
Step Four: Make Your Position Clear
Sometimes the most effective response is remarkably simple.
You don't have to like everybody you work with.
You do, however, need to be able to work professionally with them.
There is a huge difference between personal friendship and professional cooperation.
You can disagree with someone's management style, have different opinions or simply have personalities that do not naturally connect, while still treating each other with respect.
A professional workplace does not require everybody to be friends.
It requires people to work together.
Step Five: Keep a Professional Record
If you genuinely believe that somebody is attempting to undermine you, keep a factual record of significant incidents.
Record dates, what was said, who was present and what action was taken.
Do not fill your notes with assumptions such as "they are trying to get me sacked."
Instead write:
"On 26 August, during the management meeting, X stated that I had said I did not like them. I explained that I had not made that statement and asked what specific behaviour had led to that conclusion."
Facts are far more useful than accusations.
Step Six: Let Your Work Speak for You
When you are new to an organisation, one of the strongest things you can do is concentrate on doing your job well.
Be reliable.
Communicate clearly.
Keep appropriate records.
Support colleagues.
Meet your responsibilities.
Follow procedures.
Be professional even when somebody else isn't.
Over time, people will form their own view of you based on their experiences of working with you.
Step Seven: If It Continues, Escalate Professionally
If the behaviour continues and begins to affect your work, reputation or ability to perform your role, it may become appropriate to raise the matter formally with your line manager, director or HR department, depending on the organisation's procedures.
Again, avoid making the conversation about whether the other manager is "childish".
Instead explain what has happened, how frequently it has occurred, what impact it is having and what attempts you have already made to resolve it.
For example:
"I have attempted to address this directly and professionally, but concerns about my attitude continue to be raised without specific examples being provided. I would like some support in establishing clear expectations for our working relationship so that we can move forward professionally."
That is considerably more powerful than saying, "They're causing trouble."
Why This Behaviour Is Counterproductive
There is something particularly unhelpful about managers attempting to resolve interpersonal disagreements through senior management rather than direct communication.
It can create unnecessary tension, consume management time and encourage an atmosphere in which people become afraid of what might be said about them behind their backs.
It can also create a culture where assumptions become treated as facts.
"I think they don't like me" becomes "They don't like me."
"I don't think they respect my role" becomes "They are undermining me."
Before long, a relationship problem that could have been resolved through a ten-minute conversation becomes a management issue involving several people.
That is why, in a professional environment, direct and respectful communication is generally preferable to gossip, assumptions and going behind someone's back.
Don't Lower Yourself to Their Level
Perhaps the most important advice is this: don't allow someone else's behaviour to change the way you behave.
If they are being childish, you don't need to become childish in response.
If they gossip, don't gossip back.
If they complain about you, don't start collecting complaints about them simply to retaliate.
If they attempt to provoke you, don't give them the reaction they may be looking for.
Remain calm, polite and professional.
Sometimes the most effective way to deal with workplace drama is to refuse to participate in it.
A Final Thought
Managers have responsibilities beyond simply managing tasks. They also have a responsibility to model professional behaviour.
Disagreements are normal. Different personalities are normal. Misunderstandings are normal.
What matters is how adults deal with them.
If there is a genuine problem with a colleague, speak to them. If there is a misunderstanding, clarify it. If there is misconduct, follow the appropriate procedure. If there is a legitimate management concern, document it and address it properly.
But telling a director that someone "doesn't like you" without first attempting to establish the facts is hardly a mature way of resolving a workplace relationship.
Professionalism is not about liking everybody. It is about being capable of working with people you may not naturally get along with.
And sometimes the most professional response to childish workplace behaviour is simply to remain calm, keep your evidence, do your job and let your professionalism speak louder than the drama.
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